Reconnecting After the Uniform: Helping Veterans Improve Relationships With Significant Others

Leaving military service is a significant transition for veterans and their families. While the move from active duty to civilian life brings new freedoms, it also introduces challenges, especially in personal relationships. Many veterans face difficulties reconnecting with their spouses or partners after deployment or service, and both sides may struggle to adjust to new dynamics. Military life demands intense physical, mental, and emotional commitment. Veterans are trained to be self-reliant, mission-focused, and emotionally reserved. While these qualities serve well on the battlefield, they can complicate intimate relationships. Many veterans struggle to express emotions or open up about their experiences. After years of suppressing feelings to cope with trauma or high-stress environments, vulnerability can feel unsafe or unnatural. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), Military Sexual Trauma (MST) depression, anxiety, and survivor’s guilt can create communication barriers, lead to emotional outbursts, or cause withdrawal from loved ones. While deployed, partners at home often take on new roles and responsibilities. When veterans return, both parties may clash as they try to redefine roles and routines. The military offers a clear hierarchy and purpose. Civilian life, by contrast, can feel chaotic. Veterans often experience a loss of identity and purpose, which can affect their behaviour in relationships.Reconnecting doesn’t happen overnight, but with consistent effort, empathy, and openness, veterans can rebuild intimacy and trust with their significant others. Its important that everyone recognises that adjusting from military to civilian life is a process, for both the veteran and their partner.Effective communication is foundational to healthy relationships. Veterans may need to relearn how to share feelings and listen with empathy.Unaddressed mental health issues can derail a relationship. Veterans should consider therapy, counseling, or support groups to process their experiences and improve emotional regulation. If time apart, emotional absence, or difficult behaviours have eroded trust, its important that both parties work actively to rebuild it. Healing and adjustment take time. Some days will be harder than others. Practice forgiveness, not just toward your partner, but toward yourself as well.Supporting a veteran in their transition requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to adapt. Understanding what your partner went through will help you respond with compassion rather than frustration. Veterans may fear judgment or rejection when sharing their experiences. Reassure them that your love is not conditional on them being “strong” all the time. Many veterans are fiercely independent. Respect that, but gently encourage participation in family life and decisions. Supporting a veteran can be emotionally taxing. Make sure you’re also getting the support you need, whether that’s through therapy, support groups, or trusted friends. For many couples, seeking help together can be a turning point. Couples counseling offers a neutral space to improve communication, resolve conflict, and rebuild intimacy. Even with best intentions, couples face recurring challenges. Many veterans may seem emotionally flat. This is often a survival mechanism that can be unlearned. Practising mindfulness can help. Trauma, medications, or emotional disconnect can impact sex. It’s a sensitive topic, but ignoring it won’t help. Open up the conversation without shame or blame. Consider seeing a sex therapist or counselor who understands trauma-informed care.Veterans may withdraw from social settings, making the partner feel lonely or burdened. It might be helpful to connect with other veteran couples who understand the shared experience. After you leave the military it’s time to serve your own emotional well-being. Love and connection are not signs of weakness, they are fundamental human needs. Seeking support, opening up, and investing in your relationship is a courageous act.Remember you are not alone, and you are not broken. Loving someone through a military transition is hard. Feelings of frustration, sadness, and exhaustion are valid. Yet, commitment and compassion can make a profound difference. The goal after military service isn’t to “fix” a relationship or “go back to how things were.” It’s to rebuild something new, stronger, wiser, and more deeply connected. With patience, open hearts, and the right tools, veterans and their partners can grow not just as a couple, but as individuals. Reconnection is possible. Healing is possible. And love, resilient, enduring love, can absolutely thrive after service.

Tony Wright CEO Forward Assist